Premier League Predictions: Bugler vs Dave Reynolds

Premier League Predictions: Bugler vs Dave Reynolds

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Matt Bugler’s on a bad run of form after consecutive defeats to Messrs Cafferky and Trim. Next up is the smug Welshman Dave Reynolds, who saw the need to write some highly inaccurate and misguided comments on Southampton’s players below. Will Bugler put him in his place this weekend? 

Man Utd- Newcastle

Fellaini: disappointed in himself. Photo: celebrityhairstylez.com
Fellaini: disappointed in himself. Photo: celebrityhairstylez.com

Dave: 2-1

I expect United to bounce back from their defeat to Everton in mid-week. The likely return of Robin van Persie can only be a good thing. They’ve been a bit vulnerable at the back throughout the season and will have to keep a close eye on Remy who has been on fire this season.

Matt: 0-2

The sight of The Scum languishing in 9th place gives me much pleasure, although I’m a tad concerned at how Newcastle have ghosted above Southampton in the league. Man U’s centre midfield partnership of 40 year old Ryan Giggs and afroed-disappointment Marouane Fellaini has no place in a top four squad, despite the delusion of a group of fans who think they have the best team in the league.

Crystal Palace- Cardiff

Dave: 1-1

This game is a must win for both sides. Tony Pulis has made an excellent start as Palace manager, starting with a win against West Ham on Tuesday. Cardiff have struggled for goals all season, but they compete hard in every game. I can see this game ending in a draw, which will please neither side.

Matt: 0-0

Both teams have decided that their best hope of staying up is by scoring no goals at all, and steadily claiming scoreless draws as they inch below the 40 point mark. Both managers will be happy, and Tony Pulis will be delighted at bringing his stale anti-football tactics back into the Premiership.

Liverpool- West Ham

Dave: 2-0

After a flying start, Liverpool have been stuttering in recent weeks, and the news that Sturridge is going to be out for another 7 weeks is a killer blow. However, with Luis Suarez in blistering form, I think they’ll still have far too much quality for the Hammers, who have a pretty disappointing away record this season.

Matt: 6-0

Liverpool fans see Luis Suarez as the most attractive specimen on the planet right now, and his double hat-trick will deal a small but notable blow to the porn industry. West Ham fans only have Modibo Maïga to covet.

Southampton- Man City

Only one word can describe Osvaldo: sultry. Photo: saintsfc.co.uk
Only one word can describe Osvaldo: sultry. Photo: saintsfc.co.uk

Dave: 1-3

Southampton are this year’s early surprise package. They’ll have faded away into mid-table obscurity by the end of the season. Lambert, Lallana and Rodriguez are all hugely over-rated individuals and they’ll get a good lesson in football when they take on the Premiership’s top goal-scoring side.

Matt: 0-2

A flurry of injuries all coming at once has exposed Southampton’s comical lack of squad depth. With Pochettino loaning out speed-merchant Emmanuel Mayuka and freezing out the mercurial Gaston Ramirez, the only attacking option on the bench on Wednesday night was the lumbering philosopher Dani Osvaldo, who’s better at looking cool in glasses than he is at football.

Stoke- Chelsea

Dave: 0-3

Chelsea are starting to get their act together. Imagine what they’d be like if they had a proper striker like Lukaku up front. Hazard’s looked superb in midweek, and they’ve got far too much quality for Stoke.

Matt: 0-3

According to some, Stoke City played a football match on Wednesday night. Mark Hughes remains tight-lipped over these rumours, but this match should be a formality for Chelsea after the Phil Bardsley show against Sunderland.

West Brom- Norwich

Dave: 0-0

This has all the makings of being a really boring game. Norwich’s defence looked non-existent in midweek against Liverpool, but I’ll think they’ll tighten up for this one. This game is destined to be last on Match of the Day.

Matt: 3-1

West Brom have goals in them, while Norwich like conceding them. The Canaries have fallen into the relegation paradox of spending money in the summer, only to make their team worse than before and go down into the depths of misery and despair, also known as the Championship.

Sunderland- Tottenham

Dave: 1-1

Not quite sure what to make of Tottenham this season. It’s going to take time for all of the new players to gel and Soldado is not up to scratch. They’ll need to buy a quality striker if they want any chance of breaking into the top 4. Sunderland are battling hard and I’ll think they’ll nick a point. I’m still sending them down though.

Matt: 1-0

Sunderland are slowly dragging themselves out the relegation zone, crawling up the pit by their fingernails into the glorious sunlight of 17th place. Spurs players are still trying to learn each other’s names, as they look more like a school kids’ team thrown together by picking numbers than a Premiership-winning side.

Fulham- Aston Villa

Dave: 2-1

Two poor sides. A new manager often helps lift a side, and frankly, Fulham can’t get much worse. You shouldn’t be getting relegated with the likes of Berbatov, Bent and Parker in your side. They’ll turn the corner with a narrow win. Benteke looks to be a one season wonder.

Matt: 2-0

Paul Lambert thought his side’s performance on Wednesday, which involved having 23% possession and taking 6 shots to the Saints’ 21 was “outstanding”. Who knows how much praise the Villans will get for losing to a Fulham side who have lost six in a row going into this?

Arsenal- Everton

Bendtner shows his desire to get on the ball. Photo: the telegraph
Bendtner shows his desire to get on the ball. Photo: the telegraph

Dave: 1-2

It’s about time Arsenal lost and a game against a strong Everton side is a very tricky fixture. Martinez’s side have done very well this year, having bought well in the summer. Arsenal haven’t got it in them to win the title, and it will be games like this where they’ll look back and regret.

Matt: 3-2

Sometimes everything just falls in the right place for a team. When Nicklas Bendtner scores a goal, you can forgive yourselves for thinking that this might be the year. The only problem for Arsenal fans is that now Wenger will see no need to buy another striker in January, when City and Chelsea start to mercilessly pursue them like the ravaging spectre of Time itself.

Swansea- Hull

Dave: 1-0

It’s difficult to know what to make of Hull. They’ve gotten off to a steady start but I still think they’ll get relegated along with Palace and Sunderland. I’ll go with a narrow win for Swansea, but only just.

Matt: 3-0

Swansea will prance around and jink balls over the heads of the orange pretenders in a display of pure arrogance. Hull desperately want to become a mid-table side, but with a gaping absence of goals in them will continue to resemble naïve Freshers at a sports induction social.

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