Online Comment Editors James Bennett and Dave Reynolds provide five policy proposals to guarantee your success in the upcoming Guild elections.
The position of Guild President is always hotly contested at our university. Forget about promising a cash machine in the Lemmy and abolishing library fines, your manifesto is going to need to stand out from the crowd. As any Tottenham Hotspur fan will tell you, “To dare is to do”. (“Audere est Facere” for the Latin fanatics.) Here are our five suggestions for policies to ensure that you win the Guild presidency.
1) A waterslide from the top of Amory
Inspired by the Barclaycard advert from 2008, we believe that a waterslide from the top of Amory is sure to be a vote winner. Admittedly there are some initial start-up costs, but once it’s built, students will be able to spend a larger amount of their time studying rather than risking injury and getting lost walking back down the stairs.
2) Guaranteed Firsts
For too long, students have had to put in far too much work for their degrees. With copious amounts of reading, essay writing and revising, we need more acknowledgement for our efforts.
Guaranteed first class degrees will take the pressure off students while their studying. Another positive is that Exeter students will be much better placed when it comes to applying for graduate schemes. With their top notch degrees in the bag, Exeter students will reign supreme over those foolish people who worked hard for their 2.1 at Durham or Bristol.
3) Free Tuition
This one’s deadly serious. It got the Liberal Democrats into a coalition! Just make sure not to have a photo taken of you signing a pledge to carry it out when elected…and definitely don’t agree to treble them!
4) Abolish 9am lectures
If this doesn’t get you elected then you have to start looking at yourself. There is even research to back up this proposal. Students work a lot better in the afternoon. This makes 9 am lectures utterly pointless. You wouldn’t have to worry about waking up in the morning after a heavy night out at Cheesy Tuesdays. Time could be spent doing what all students do best…sleeping!
5) Free Printing
Often promised yet never successfully implemented, free printing costs would solve a lot of student problems. Given the extortionate amount that we are paying to study here and the muli-million pound investments made on campus in recent years there really is no excuse as to why we are paying to print out our essays. The Guild President that is first to successfully implement this policy will go down in Exeter history.
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