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Potato Dauphin-what?


Our new food columnist, Jamie Hoyle takes us on the journey of one boy and his inability to cook…

I am your average student. Look in my cupboards and you’ll find Tesco’s own baked beans, pasta and bulk bought salad cream. Before coming to uni I did not need to cook, my mum would deliver nutritious delights, regimentally, at 7 o’clock every evening. I am an admitted culinary novice.

I thought I was normal. Apparently I’m not. For every evening my fellow housemates hoot at my naivety in the kitchen, fall hysterical when the most dubious search on my browsing history is ‘how to use a tin opener’ before swiftly snarling at my umpteenth setting off of the fire alarm.

Over the coming weeks, this column will not be dedicated to the report of every egg I break or of every undercooked chicken that leaves me toilet ridden for the next day and a half however. This column is (I hope) to be a diary of change. That ready meals were so 2014, and that 2015 will site a culinary revolution of this hitherto incompetent student.

Out with this macaroni cheese, pierce film, 3 minutes, full power, leave to stand, then another 3 minutes nonsense. In with the braised pork loins, soufflés or even just homemade lasagne. Each column shall be a recital of the week’s, potentially shambolic, efforts to make this change and the report of the pros and cons of doing so (i.e. time, money, and how easy the dish was). More than that, it should, I hope, show that if I can do it, anyone can.

Photo Credit: red bubble.com
Photo Credit: red bubble.com

Because I can’t believe that my housemate, who I caught hacking away at a lamb shoulder for his slow-cooked stew last night with what I can only assume is a machete, is typical of student cooking – even if this is Exeter. Recycling bins overflowing with Domino’s boxes lead me to believe the contrary. So where to begin then? Jamie Oliver – he’s a good chap, what recipe ideas has he got? Wood-fired pizza – bit boring. Crab linguine – too expensive. Sicilian-style tuna carpaccio – that sounds tasty and Tesco says it will got £7 for 2 portions! Well, wish me luck. ​

Jamie Hoyle, Food Columnist 

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