By now, I’m sure you’ve seen the monstrosity that is the new Leeds United badge- if you haven’t, I partly want you to stop reading and avert your gaze, preserving your unharmed posterior parietal cortex from seeing it.
Should you wish to continue, I can (predictably) offer no defence of the new design. With the initial design inspiration seemingly drawn from Stalin’s Communist Russia, surely someone in the graphics department must have queried what on earth this design represents, at any stage of the process? T
he computerised shading and font borrowed from a scaffolding company serve the sole purpose of distracting from a weirdly-proportioned silhouette that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a 1950’s war propaganda poster. The work experience kid at Leeds United could’ve concluded that the “six months of research, consulting over 10,000 fans” was an absolute waste of time.
Surely, I hear you proclaim: it must be the worst badge in football? Well, think again. Here are some other howlers from world football which, completely unintentionally, seem to utterly undermine anything they could possibly produce on the pitch.
Benevento Calcio – Italy.
From a city steeped in history, fans of Benevento Calcio must’ve looked ahead to this season, their first in Serie A, with delirium and optimism.
Their arrival to the top flight should’ve come with some rebranding, but instead they chose to keep their yellow/red striped badge with a cartoon witch on it.
It celebrates the legends of the witches of Benevento from the 13th Century, but looks like it was created on Microsoft Paint by a pre-teen Harry Potter fan. Their record-breaking debut season hasn’t been remotely spellbinding; they have had the worst ever start to a season in any of Europe’s top five leagues, losing their first 14 games. No doubt they drew magical inspiration from their badge for their first points of the season, when their goalkeeper Alberto Brignoli headed in a 95th minute equaliser against A.C Milan. Serie A’s own witch trial has ousted them for who they really are; much like those in the Middle-Age myths, they’ve sunk to the bottom with absolutely no hope of return.
Burton Albion – England.
Continuing the theme of teams anchored to the bottom of the table by their terrible badges, Burton Albion’s crest looks like it belongs to the local Sunday League side who play down the road. Much like their league form this season, there are almost too many things wrong with this badge- the “Brewers” is an apt name for the portly mascot who is playing in what look like high-heels. And the ‘BA’ logo, resembling that famous Burton monument the Eiffel Tower, seems to have taken this human-like figure closer to the shape of the Michelin man. That said, this pub side still must carry some sway- Darren Bent is set to join them on loan from Derby. The jury’s out on whether his weathered shooting boots can keep Burton up though, if everyone else in the squad looks like the bloke in their badge, I doubt it.
“i can’t work out whether this should be my six-aside crest”
AS Marsa – Tunisia.
I can’t work out whether this should be on this list, or whether I want to try and use it for my intramural 6-a-side team. Fundamentally, that is a horrific representation of a camel- there’s only one hump. One would assume that Tunisians are fairly sure of what a camel looks like, which makes it even more startling that it looks like the back end of the horse in the school play has got cramp and is trying to escape the costume. That said, they’ve got him in full kit and he looks like he’s got some skills- that no-look control and plenty (of water) in the tank makes me think he might be quite tidy. The old saying holds true: it’s easier to get a camel through a football team’s marketing department than the eye of a needle.