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How To Write the Perfect Passive Aggressive Note


If you’ve got housemates, you’re likely to have come into contact with the most poisonous of passive aggressive behaviours: the passive aggressive note.

The most constructive response to a such a pathetic piece of conflict resolution is to fight fire with fire and respond with your own pitiful message.

Trust us – this is in no way incredibly immature and will not in any way just make the whole unpleasant situation worse.

Here’s Exeposé‘s guide on how to write the perfect passive aggressive note.

Step 1:

Find an issue that could be resolved quickly and simply. Do nothing about it.

Step 2:

Let the matter stew for a couple of weeks but again, don’t let it any way slip that you are annoyed about anything save for a few subtly snide remarks.

Step 3:

Now that you have worked yourself up into Daily Mail levels of internal rage, it’s time to start bitching about it to everyone you possibly can.

However, still do not say a word to the person or group of people who are responsible for the problem. That might solve the issue and no one wants that.

Step 4:

It’s time to put pen to paper, preferably a sticky note (written barbs are best when adhesive). Address to no one in particular for collateral housemate damage and make veiled references to your level of support (see Step 3).

Make sure to be overly polite, grammatically correct and, if you really don’t want to pull any punches, sign off with ‘xoxo’. Once the deed is done, make no mention of it to anyone.

Step 5:

And now you wait.

Step 6:

Brush up on the Cold War.

Step 7:

It’s happened – they’ve noticed. And you know because another note has been posted below.

This is great.

Absolutely nothing has been gained from the communication thus far but you’re in too deep, nothing can stop this – it’s bigger than all of you.

Step 8:

Either return to Step 1. Or, if you fancy acting like a grown up, try actually addressing issue.

Step 9:

Constructive communication not your thing? Time to move out.

Have you ever written a great passive aggressive note? Are you still on speaking terms with your housemates? Let us know on Facebooktwitter or in the comments below…

Ringo Stapley and Alan Huffen-Puffen

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