I am doing the humane thing and warning all those reading that I am about to reveal potential life-ruining TV spoilers.
I’m sure by now we are familiar with the following conversation:
Friend/Family member/New acquaintance: So what TV series have you been watching?
Me: I’m almost on series three of Gossip Girl and I am HOOKED.
Supposed friend/Questionable family member/Unwelcome acquaintance: Oh you don’t want to watch that show – it’s so disappointing when you find out who Gossip Girl is. It’s not even a girl.
Me: *Begins questioning person’s lack of social morality and meaning of the world*
Enemy/Estranged family member/Stranger: What?! That is DEFINITELY not a spoiler. I didn’t say WHO it is.
Some people are born into this world only to emit pain and misery amongst other humans. And spoiling your current favourite TV series is one of their hobbies
Well lets make it perfectly clear – IT WAS A SPOILER. Needless to say that you definitely should not make further contact with this person. Sorry mum.
Some people are born into this world only to emit pain and misery amongst other humans. And spoiling your current favourite TV series is one of their hobbies. With every TV series or film I watch, play I see or book I read, I want to guarantee the most honest and emotional impact and response. Any spoiler – whether its the death of a character, new romance, or even the title of an upcoming episode – will completely destroy the possibility of my complete immersion, and leave me struggling to face the outside world. But by living in the 21st century and being swarmed by apps and social media, the task of evading any kind of spoiler is a day-to-day struggle.
For example, I awoke this morning to discover who the infamous “A” is from Pretty Little Liars. I don’t even watch this TV series, but now any chance of me wanting to is destroyed. I didn’t have to look far for this spoiler, considering it was the number one trending topic on twitter, the top trending story on Facebook, and the Mail Online had at least three articles breaking the news.
Screw natural disasters or worldwide poverty; the only thing journalists want to do is to ruin my day.
A part of me even dreads going to the cinema considering the trailers they show that pretty much reveal the entire movie. Avoid The Longest Ride trailer as it is practically a short film. So it seems that the only way to achieve a completely naive and uncorrupted mind is to STAY AWAY FROM EVERYTHING.
Avoid all forms of social media, do not read the news, put off speaking to friends and family, and it’s probably best to avoid going outside until your free Netflix trial has expired. I can’t apologise for partaking in this supposed “erratic” behaviour, because at the end of the day, I will enjoy Game of Thrones more than you.
the only way to achieve a completely naive and uncorrupted mind is to STAY AWAY FROM EVERYTHING
I guess some people could say that my definition of a “spoiler” is quite extreme. At the moment my phone is having to remain on aeroplane mode because my mother can’t seem to restrain herself from telling me each celebrity that has just joined this year’s line-up for Strictly Come Dancing. Well SORRY if I want to wait until September to be surprised by people (that I mostly do not remember or recognise) dominating my TV screen until Christmas. If we are already accepting that Tess Daly is still presenting, can we at least accept that I need a world where spoilers do not exist?
So to summarise to you all; spoilers are not your friends, and friends are not spoilers. My advice is to go the full Amish lifestyle to avoid a moron undoing all your time and effort of sitting through those 4oD adverts to catch up on MIC. And for those who haven’t heard from me in a while, cast your minds back to Phoebe and Monica’s friend Amanda – you’ve been cut out too.