Kanye releases his campaign slogan: “Four, five seconds to change the world.” Later that day, Justin Timberlake publicly expresses his anger that it rips off his ‘4 minutes’ hit with Madonna.
Timberlake is fuming. The two already have a patchy relationship after Kanye called him out for crying a river at the 2013 Grammys. He accuses West of “using him for votes.”
“Look y’all,” Kanye responds that evening, “I don’t need no artist for my own artistry. I have 21 Grammys. Show me your Grammys Justin, show ‘em to me. You ain’t messing with my gold figures”.
Madonna and Justin Timberlake release a photo of their collective 16 Grammys. In an interview later that day, Kanye publicly accuses the pair of “stealing from my Bey and Tay.”
Kanye asks his wife Kim and mother-in-law Kris for advice. They have a brilliant idea. An hour later, social media goes into meltdown. Kim Kardashian-West has posted a naked selfie with Kanye’s 21 Grammys. Under Kanye’s artistic direction, the golden statues protect her modesty.
Vogue ring at 7pm, saying they want to do a “Grammy-themed issue” in December.
The daytime is relatively quiet. Kim is recovering from the news that North and Kendall will be joint cover stars of December Vogue. Kanye consoles her and begins writing the lyrics for ‘Bound 3’.
That evening, team West release a campaign video titled “the second coming”. In the short film, set to an acoustic version of ‘Black Skinhead’, Yeezus is portrayed as the next Messiah.
He gives out ‘Yeezy Boots’ to the homeless. He invites Taylor Swift to sing at his inauguration. He bans Spotify and runs an exclusive 1p discount for Tidal. The film ends with Kanye parting the waves of America.
His team are convinced the campaign will be smooth-sailing from here.
Kanye sends a memo to the White House, informing them that renovations need to begin now. As the house he and Kim bought in 2012 is still unfinished, he wants to take no chances.
Included in the list are seven glam rooms, four selfie rooms and two shrines. More mysterious requests include the ‘cosmetics room’ and the ‘film room’.
White House staff reply to Kanye later that day, asking why the film room features a bed and no TV screen. They also ask what the purpose of the cosmetics room is, and why they need to hire a surgeon. They receive no response.
Kanye is given a lesson in speechmaking, starting with the list-of-three. “It captures the mind of your audience,” he is told by his advisor, South Smith. Kanye tells her he’s already got it down.
“Work it, make it, do it.” He smiles at his own genius.
“Do you have anything that isn’t lyrics to your own songs?” South asks tentatively. West is not amused, but will never pass up the chance to practice his craft.
“I’m a visionary, I’m a vision. I’m a visionary…”
“I think you already said that,” whispers South. Kanye is outraged at the interruption of his monologue.
“Are you gonna let me finish?” The lesson is over and he tells South to walk in the other direction.
In an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, Kanye declares that the name of the White House is racist. When asked what he would change it to, he responds: “Look bro, it’s West House now. Y’all calling it White House are promoting that supremacy shit.”
After the interview, his aides are concerned that there will be confusion between ‘The West House’ and ‘The West Wing’, so suggest ‘South House’.
Kanye is fuming. “Listen to the King bro! That is, like, the worst direction. That is disrespecting geography.”
The Kardashian-Wests are over at Kris Jenner’s house. Kanye wants to take North and Easton – their son – onto the campaign trail. Kim sets up a Snapchat account for North, so she can take campaign selfies.
Kris is beside herself with pride. She has booked another facelift because of the wrinkles from smiling so much. She is certain that ‘The Second Coming’ will win an Oscar and is already searching for a dress. She is confused that she reaches voicemail for all 57 designers she contacts that day, but Kanye saves the day. He is going to dress the entire family.
It’s been another successful week for team West. With 18 months of campaigning still to go, Kanye is already thinking of his presidential legacy and impact.
Kylie is equally confident: “All those ni**as in US are bound 2 sing ‘Kanye West is the best President of ALL TIME.’”