In a surprise announcement today, the government revealed that they will be bringing Halloween mazes to the masses, via a travelling funfair that will tour the country over the coming weeks.
The maze, which will operate under the name “Corbyn’s Britain”, will visit a number of major constituencies in Britain, including Exeter, Brighton Pavilion, Edinburgh South, and Doncaster North. One Cabinet Minister has described it as being “absolutely terrifying”. Punters will be allowed to tour the maze for a minimal fee of £5, where they will encounter a number of images and events straight out of one’s worst nightmares.
Standout attractions include “The Nationalised Railway”, said to show the horrific image of the trains coming into public hands, whilst “The Weaponised Lentils” aim to show punters a dystopian future for the armed forces. Test audiences are said to have scared to the point wherein they dropped their teacups. Upon entering the maze, you can expect to enter a replica of the House of Commons, wherein you can be certain of jump-scares arriving from staff members dressed as Tom Watson and Ed Miliband. As you progress through the maze, further horrors will await you, including what can only be described as a caricature of Nicola Sturgeon re-enacting Braveheart, and our incumbent Prime Minister being consumed by a pig resembling Tony Benn.
“It was dreadful”, remarked Tarquin, aged 65, from Kensington, “I saw things that have scarred me for life. My inheritance, taxed into oblivion, my shares in the Energy sector, they told me that they were completely meaningless. Every single one of my chums was scared witless. What type of cretin could create such monstrosities?” Others have said that the maze’s display of an egalitarian society and a lack of private healthcare was “beyond words”, whilst others have said that the imageries presented of the emancipation of the Working Class was “enough for me to wet my favourite tailored chino’s”.
However, the most horrific attraction within the maze, according to the testers, was “The Death of the 1%”, described as being “too distressing for words”, and rumoured to display the banking sector’s bonuses being revoked, with the money being sent to “benefit scroungers, to spend on X-Stations and cheap lager”. Corbyn’s Britain will tour the country from the 26 October until the 8 November. Any similarities with the policies of the Labour Party are strictly accidental, as is the impact it may have on your own political views.
Featured Image: Flickr.com
