Donald Trump’s latest business venture hopes to inject some Star quality into his campaign. In collaboration with global brand Starbucks, he has launched the “Trumpkin Spice Latte” just in time for Halloween. It comes in light of rumours that the “Donald Trumpkin” will be the most popular costume of 2015, along with Ja Ja Bieber (a tribute to the Star Wars reboot and America’s favourite pop star.)
The “Trumpkin Spice Latte” has been in the works for over a year, with sales predicted to outstrip even last year’s Clintado. In his own words, Mr Trump revealed, “The TSL is a drink America needs. It does not sugar-coat, so you can give it to your children with a clear conscience. Every cup is created by a US citizen, who will milk your ignorance for all its worth. Don’t think twice – vote Trumpkin Spice.”
However, last week team Trumpkin came to a grinding halt. Last Monday, the LA Times revealed that TSL coffee is grown in Mexico. Next came a lawsuit from McDonalds, claiming that Mr Trump has already endorsed their McCafe range. It’s safe to say the Republican candidate is no longer calling the shots. Then again, Camp Trump only need look across the pond to know better. Earlier this year, British politicians also attempted to expresso their manifestos with star branding.
Following the launch of the Cleggnog Latte in March 2015, The Liberal Democrats rebranded their entire GE2015 campaign. It was shot down faster than a decaf espresso. The slogan “putting the whip into Westminster” was ridiculed by MPs across all parties, including Mr Clegg’s own. The most admonishing was Chancellor George Osborne, who remarked: “Frothy, excessive and nauseating – it sums up their policies perfectly.” Following product samples, the public were equally horrified. “In terms of value for money, it’s on par with my degree,” remarked a Miss Courtney Tardo.
In an attempt to rescue their flailing image, Lib-Dem aids attempted to launch a counter product. The “Toff Nuts Latte” replaced the famous Starbucks logo with a picture of Boris Johnson’s head. Unfortunately for the yellow team, it was rejected by the CEO for being out of season. “We will have to wait until Christmas,” he told Vince Cable. When the Liberal veteran remarked that the election would be over by then, Starbucks suggested a more seasonal offering. “What about the Easter Clegg?” the CEO proposed.
The euphoria at his idea, however, was short-lived. Labour headquarters emailed later that day, showing their version of the Easter Clegg. “Clegg-sucker” is written on the quail-sized egg in yellow icing. The chocolate shell itself is, unsurprisingly, hollow. Now that Autumn has arrived, there are calls for Lib Dem leader Tim Farron to channel his inner Donald. “Kids go crazy for Toffee on Halloween, so the Toff Nuts Latte is a winner,” a Westminster insider told Exeposé. “The best thing is that Boris Johnson and Donald Trump look identical, so we’ve ordered loads of ‘Trumpkin’ costumes for the launch party.” Exeposé asked the insider if they planned to do anything different for this launch, learning from mistakes of the past. The response was simple: “We should have gone to Costa.”
This is brilliant