I‘m sure we all have fond memories of playing musical chairs when we were little. Who could forget those moments of sheer joy as we jostled awkwardly amongst friends at a birthday party, just pretending to dance before the sound of silence meant it was time for us to find a chair in the circle. It was every man and woman for themselves and, of course, someone would inevitably be left out. That’s how the game works after all; each time the music plays someone, usually an accompanying adult, removes a chair so one by one the players are eliminated until only one participant reigns supreme.
It was every man and woman for themselves and, of course, someone would inevitably be left out.
But, what does this teach us? Well, I for one am convinced that Musical Chairs is specifically designed to prepare us at an early age for the harsh realities of living in a society blighted by austerity. Yes, you can have fun, you can dance, you can listen to music and generally enjoy your hedonistic lifestyles but one day you’ll find yourself battling for a seat in the circle of life.
In this world, the weak and the slow shall perish because there just isn’t enough room for everyone. Eventually, the circle will close in on you and, unless you’re sitting down, you’ll be thrust to the sidelines and rendered a pathetic outcast. You were too busy dancing and enjoying the music to foresee the economic recession, weren’t you? Well that’s your problem. The adult who controls the game, also known as the Chair Master, shall have no mercy upon your soul.
Is it any coincidence that Chair Master is also a brand of stair-lift? I think not! After all, even if you do manage to find a chair (a symbol of finding a job with a pension), you can never be certain that you’re not going to end up spending your twilight years rotting away in some care home as your children wait for you to die so they can reap their inheritance. Thus, the most enjoyable part of your day will eventually be navigating the stairs on a mechanical lift, the Chair Master.
Overpopulation is also another issue which I feel Musical Chairs causes us to consider. Just look at the struggles one must face to get a seat in the Forum Library. Maybe it’s a game the Guild should actively employ to ensure that every student has at least an outside shot at winning some study space. I propose that every hour they could order everyone to stand up in the library before blasting out “The Winner Takes It All” by ABBA. Then when the music stops, every computer would suddenly be fair game.
It wouldn’t be fair of course if you were on crutches or had some sort of mobility issue but Musical Chairs doesn’t make allowances for the weak. In this dog eat dog world, it’s every man, woman and child for themselves.
