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‘I’m Swearing Less’

In humourist style, Alia Manshi writes about the struggles of maintaining a New Year resolution.


My mother told me to give up swearing

Cause it’s a vulgar vicious vice

So, my new year’s resolution is to use words that are nice

I must admit

It gets quite hard

Cause I gave up drinking too

People say it’s not so bad

Well, I wish that it were true.

When I’m annoyed

I swear a lot

So, the challenge is clearly there

I’d probably even do it

If you mentioned Tony Blair!

I almost swore this morning

When I was waiting in a cue

It was moving so wonderfully slowly

I thought of a word or two

And today, it was raining

I don’t know why that is

I stopped myself from swearing

Instead I cried “Oh bliss”!

To top it off

I lost my brolly

It’s somewhere I don’t know

So, I left my house

Without swearing

Thankful it wasn’t snow

I swear when I’m stressed

And I had exams in Jan

So, I substituted swearwords

With words such as “ham”

Now I’m back at uni,

And my friends are going out

But guess who’s not drinking?

The girl who’s rinsing out her mouth!

I went out once

Without the booze

And I found it rather dull

But at least waking up the next day

I wasn’t regretful.

I think I’m better off the juice

To keep myself in tact

Cause when I drink, I swear a lot

And I probably shouldn’t do that.

I’ve heard I’m quite a handful

I cry, I swear, I scream

When I hear how I’ve behaved

It’s like a bad dream!

But jogging on

not in a literal sense

God, the thought

Makes me feel quite tense

Exercise is not my strength,

I prefer to talk at length

In fact, it’s what I do best

Mindful I’ll be swearing less!

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