Exeter, Devon UK • May 25, 2024 • VOL XII

Exeter, Devon UK • [date-today] • VOL XII
Home SatireAround the World FAQs: How to participate in Dry January without avoiding alcohol

FAQs: How to participate in Dry January without avoiding alcohol

Cleo Gravett, Print Satire Editor, queries how to celebrate Dry January festivities whilst still drinking
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FAQs: How to participate in Dry January without avoiding alcohol

Image: Eli Duke, Flickr, edited by Ana Anajuba

Cleo Gravett, Print Satire Editor, queries how to celebrate Dry January festivities whilst still drinking

All of your closest and most righteous friends doing Dry January? Have a load of booze left over from Christmas that it would be a shame to waste? Don’t want to feel left out but don’t actually want to abstain from drinking? Exeposé has you covered — here are just some of the ways you can misunderstand the word ‘dry’, and still take part.


No washing: chances are, if you are a rugby boy you are already doing this. Stay dry by avoiding the shower, after all doesn’t your body clean itself or something if you leave it long enough?

No washing: chances are, if you are a rugby boy you are already doing this.


No going outside when it’s raining: Taking on this challenge in the Exeter winter is only for the bravest of competitors, and would definitely make those at the Met Office on the edge of town feel listened to for once. However, with the current overwhelming Omicron wave, doing this may soon become the only option, with no going outside regardless of the weather!

No sex: Again, in pandemic times, many people are avoiding sex whether they want to or not. However, you may be in the uniquely unfortunate position of both being sexually active and participating in Dry January if your partner is clueless about lube and foreplay. Ouch.

In pandemic times, many people are avoiding sex whether they want to or not.

No baking decent cakes: While it may be a Devonian hate crime to bake a bad scone, this Dry January, consider making one that crumbles to dust with a single touch. No jam, definitely no cream — not a drop of moisture in sight.
No good chat: Keeping to dry, uninteresting conversational topics for this challenge shouldn’t be too difficult, as simply mentioning that you’re partaking in Dry January is enough to make most people switch off from conversation.

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