Exeter, Devon UK • Jul 22, 2024 • VOL XII

Exeter, Devon UK • [date-today] • VOL XII
Home Satire Government advises burning printed dissertations to keep warm during the energy crisis

Government advises burning printed dissertations to keep warm during the energy crisis

Kate Hall writes about the government's innovative suggestion for students to save on energy costs.
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Government advises burning printed dissertations to keep warm during the energy crisis

Dissertatio burning

Kate Hall writes about the government’s innovative suggestion for students to save on energy costs.

Amidst soaring gas and electricity prices, the government has advised students to keep hold of copies of their dissertations, printed for humblebrag photographs and general bookshelf-cluttering, in order to survive the upcoming winter. The bulk of non-reclaimable sanity allegedly “does make great kindling” according to Lucy Wilterlive, who has already burned hers for fun.

The bulk of non-reclaimable sanity allegedly “does make great kindling”

The announcement comes after many graduating students expressed their dismay at the various crises they are set to graduate into, namely the cost of living and unaffordable energy bills. After much backlash, one government official responded emphasising that “there simply isn’t room in the budget alongside our scheduled Christmas work meetings”.


Article from print issue 733

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