Exeter, Devon UK • Feb 27, 2024 • VOL XII

Exeter, Devon UK • [date-today] • VOL XII
Home SatireExesketched Have yourself a productive little Christmas

Have yourself a productive little Christmas

Sophia Mykhaylyuk envisions a terrifying new world where the University of Exeter scraps the January exams and moves it forward to Christmas!
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Have yourself a productive little Christmas

Image: Tessa Rampersad via Unsplash

Sophia Mykhaylyuk envisions a terrifying new world where the University of Exeter scraps the January exams and moves it forward to Christmas!

In vain of the new year’s new examination policy, the University of Exeter has recently become one of the first higher education institutes in the UK to make the humanitarian decision to completely scrap January assessments. The university is now allowing them to be sat over the Christmas break instead in an act of touching benevolence.

The president of the University has claimed that, as always, the mental health and wellbeing of students are of utmost importance, and by moving all exams, students will be able to fully enjoy the festivities of January upon return to the university.

This decision was made in response to growing concerns that having to revise over holidays was having a dramatically negative impact on mental health. Last year, the Exeter student union publicly denounced January examinations as a violation of human rights after an Overheard questionnaire revealed that 1 in 4 students found revising directly correlated with their ability to ski in Val Thorens over Christmas. One business and management student went as far as claiming that his insane workload in preparation for the single multiple-choice exam he had upon return had robbed skiing ‘entirely of its apres’.

Exams robbed skiing ‘entirely of its apres’.

To repay the university for its kindness, students have outperformed themselves in the most recent Christmas examinations, which have witnessed an exceptional 40% pass rate. One particularly grateful third year, who was allowed to sit a final worth 100% of her module on Christmas day, claimed ‘it’s not like I had anything else more interesting planned anyway!’

We hope that without having to worry about revision this year, students have returned feeling fully refreshed and excited to jump straight back into work!

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