Hookup culture has become intertwined with university life. Its prevalence is demonstrated through studies, which have produced figures suggesting 60% to 80% of students ‘hookup’ at least once, which makes sense. The circumstances facilitate this since people are away from home and intoxicants like alcohol are readily accessible. We are young, have little responsibility, and all the freedom to go ‘wild’.
A ‘hookup’ refers to anything ranging from a kiss to sex, happening once or repeatedly but with no desire or obligation to take it further romantically. It is the classic no strings attached attitude. Yet, does the fleeting, instant gratification ever outweigh the emotional harm?
When addressing the question of whether “casual” works, I thought input from my friends, who are also students, would be invaluable.
We agreed that a meaningless, one-night hookup or repeatedly seeing a casual partner solely for sex has rarely left us feeling elated. We perceive a kiss with a stranger in a club as rarely evoking regret. However, once this escalates into more, feelings of shame, regret and loneliness can begin.
When answering the question of why, the word ‘comparison’ was mentioned a lot. When comparing ourselves to others, especially those who appear to get more attention than you, it triggers questions like ”why not me?” This ignites a craving for attention and validation, and with alcohol at your disposal, it does not seem too unattainable.
You are left feeling used. Despite being mutual and symbiotic, it is a tough pill to swallow that you have been so intimate with someone detached.
You drunkenly analyse the room and see whose interest you have caught. Some nights you get what you want and others you come away empty-handed. Hookup culture, my friends have admitted, has meant that unsuccess would have or can ruin their night. It creates tunnel vision and not achieving the chase they want can be a dealbreaker.
One of my friends interestingly expressed this tunnel vision as a source of loneliness. I completely understood what she meant. You could be in the process of seeking out a hookup, preoccupying you and hindering the enjoyment of dancing with friends. If you have secured one, you look over to your friends and often think ‘I would much rather be with them right now’. Suddenly, a hookup does not seem so appealing when you could be living it up in Timepiece’s ‘Top Top’ with your friends.
However, by this point, you have only kissed. My friends and I agreed that this does not induce the same levels of regret or isolation as sex might. You leave the club, grab your mandatory kebab (probably Efe’s) and head home together with the outcome of the evening still undecided. You reach a house. What happens now? Some will have a kiss goodbye and never speak again. For others, things escalate…
Sex can be a display of attraction and affection, lust and love. When it occurs between two strangers, what are the ramifications? A study discovered that students who were less depressed in their everyday lives, experienced an increase in loneliness and depressive symptoms after a hookup involving sex.
Since there is no loyalty to one another and no expectation of care, it depends entirely on who you are hooking up with. If you have chosen someone considerate and attentive, I find that regret and loneliness are not as prominent. However, since this is not an expectation outside of a romantic relationship, no ‘aftercare’ is what my friends zeroed in on as a downside of casual. You are left feeling used. Despite being mutual and symbiotic, it is a tough pill to swallow that you have been so intimate with someone detached. Of course, that is not a surprise, but a lack of aftercare can cause your perception of self-worth to decrease, evoking loneliness. Post-hookup clarity can make you feel hollow and it gives rise to unwanted feelings of shame and embarrassment.
Perhaps it simply cannot be casual. The absence of love and care, for my friends, appears to be what is prevalent in provoking such isolation. Maybe the ego boost and the fleeting gratification does not outweigh the emotional baggage that can come with being ‘casual’? Irrespective of how much self-assurance someone has and how easy-going they seem, all my friends have suffered the emotional consequences of this increasingly normative behaviour.
‘’Hookup culture has sold us loneliness’’: The Great Lie of casual
Hookup culture has become intertwined with university life. Its prevalence is demonstrated through studies, which have produced figures suggesting 60% to 80% of students ‘hookup’ at least once, which makes sense. The circumstances facilitate this since people are away from home and intoxicants like alcohol are readily accessible. We are young, have little responsibility, and all the freedom to go ‘wild’.
A ‘hookup’ refers to anything ranging from a kiss to sex, happening once or repeatedly but with no desire or obligation to take it further romantically. It is the classic no strings attached attitude. Yet, does the fleeting, instant gratification ever outweigh the emotional harm?
When addressing the question of whether “casual” works, I thought input from my friends, who are also students, would be invaluable.
We agreed that a meaningless, one-night hookup or repeatedly seeing a casual partner solely for sex has rarely left us feeling elated. We perceive a kiss with a stranger in a club as rarely evoking regret. However, once this escalates into more, feelings of shame, regret and loneliness can begin.
When answering the question of why, the word ‘comparison’ was mentioned a lot. When comparing ourselves to others, especially those who appear to get more attention than you, it triggers questions like ”why not me?” This ignites a craving for attention and validation, and with alcohol at your disposal, it does not seem too unattainable.
You drunkenly analyse the room and see whose interest you have caught. Some nights you get what you want and others you come away empty-handed. Hookup culture, my friends have admitted, has meant that unsuccess would have or can ruin their night. It creates tunnel vision and not achieving the chase they want can be a dealbreaker.
One of my friends interestingly expressed this tunnel vision as a source of loneliness. I completely understood what she meant. You could be in the process of seeking out a hookup, preoccupying you and hindering the enjoyment of dancing with friends. If you have secured one, you look over to your friends and often think ‘I would much rather be with them right now’. Suddenly, a hookup does not seem so appealing when you could be living it up in Timepiece’s ‘Top Top’ with your friends.
However, by this point, you have only kissed. My friends and I agreed that this does not induce the same levels of regret or isolation as sex might. You leave the club, grab your mandatory kebab (probably Efe’s) and head home together with the outcome of the evening still undecided. You reach a house. What happens now? Some will have a kiss goodbye and never speak again. For others, things escalate…
Sex can be a display of attraction and affection, lust and love. When it occurs between two strangers, what are the ramifications? A study discovered that students who were less depressed in their everyday lives, experienced an increase in loneliness and depressive symptoms after a hookup involving sex.
Since there is no loyalty to one another and no expectation of care, it depends entirely on who you are hooking up with. If you have chosen someone considerate and attentive, I find that regret and loneliness are not as prominent. However, since this is not an expectation outside of a romantic relationship, no ‘aftercare’ is what my friends zeroed in on as a downside of casual. You are left feeling used. Despite being mutual and symbiotic, it is a tough pill to swallow that you have been so intimate with someone detached. Of course, that is not a surprise, but a lack of aftercare can cause your perception of self-worth to decrease, evoking loneliness. Post-hookup clarity can make you feel hollow and it gives rise to unwanted feelings of shame and embarrassment.
Perhaps it simply cannot be casual. The absence of love and care, for my friends, appears to be what is prevalent in provoking such isolation. Maybe the ego boost and the fleeting gratification does not outweigh the emotional baggage that can come with being ‘casual’? Irrespective of how much self-assurance someone has and how easy-going they seem, all my friends have suffered the emotional consequences of this increasingly normative behaviour.
Ava Bileckyj
Overqualified and unemployed: The Great British job squeeze
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