Exeter, Devon UK • Jul 14, 2024 • VOL XII

Exeter, Devon UK • [date-today] • VOL XII
Home Comment An Exeter student’s christmas list

An Exeter student’s christmas list

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A ll I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…and perhaps some books…and a new phone or something like that. We all want the latest gadgets, or some new looks to update our wardrobe for Christmas, but realistically, as a student, what do we really crave? A student’s Christmas list may not be the most exciting, but it’ll sure help to begin the second term come January.

Firstly, toilet paper. We all secretly hoard it from our housemates, don’t lie. And steal it from others houses or from campus – we’re desperate for the stuff, simply because that couple of pounds may be put to better use elsewhere. A nice big pack would help us out a lot.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toilet_paper_orientation_over.jpg

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toilet_paper_orientation_over.jpgight into

Secondly, a helper for the kitchen – some nice herbs and spices. You return home in the holidays and stare in awe at your mum’s array of little jars and bottles which add the finishing touch to a dish, but you never buy your own. When wandering around Morrisons, you always seem to miss that aisle – the forgotten ingredient that could make your Bolognese a Michelin star experience.

Next, some nice clean bedsheets might be nice, to replace the ones that you’re not sure if you’ve actually washed this term. Smelling homey and nice, fresh with your mum’s magic fabric softener, those sheets will make you feel like you’re sleeping in a royal bedchamber… never mind that you can’t see the bedroom floor.

you might want to ask for your dignity back this Christmas

Key to a student’s diet is, of course, vodka. So why not ask for a bottle of two on your Christmas list? It’s proactive too – you’ll use it to either celebrate after the end of January exams, or drown your sorrows that your essay was just a little bit too much waffle and not enough substance.

Speaking of which, you might want to ask for your dignity back this Christmas – I think most of us lost it on the walk from Unit 1 to Mega Kebab back in October. Somewhere at the bottom of that vodka bottle you polished off in pres your inhibitions got so loose that you thought ‘HELL YES’ every time the beat dropped and your body decided to slut drop. It could be somewhat attractive when pulled off with style, but when you go down but can’t come back up again, the dignity slides away with that VK bottle your butt landed on.

Another important component of the student’s healthy diet is the simple and humble, yet versatile, pasta. Put the extra, extra large bag from Costco on your list, and you’re set for the rest of the year. Just be careful when you open it that it doesn’t spill everywhere otherwise your kitchen  floor will become a sea of pasta in 0-60 seconds.

https://pixabay.com/en/spaghetti-pasta-cook-cooking-1112142/

https://pixabay.com/en/spaghetti-pasta-cook-cooking-1112142/

Finally, for the ever-in-debt student, what we’d most desire is money. Preferably a lot, but we’re not fussy – even that pound I found on the Roz dancefloor was put to good use. Donate to the poor, please.

Actually, on second thoughts, you might as well just write ‘MUM’ in big letters on your Christmas list, and have her take care of you, both domestically and financially. Maybe we weren’t ready for this adult thing after all.

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