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Usually my nights out include being highly intoxicated with the inability to hear a song I vaguely like without screaming in excitement, but the necessity of a course of penicillin meant that on one night I was stone cold sober. “Timepiece” and “sober” don’t seem like they should fit in the same sentence. Yet, while everyone was downing their prosecco, I was calmly sipping my water. Watching my flatmates get progressively more crazy as they downed their drinks was definitely entertaining. I was finally able to appreciate how funny watching drunk people is. Although, the amount of fun they were having did make me slightly jealous. I can’t deny how much I love the weird things I do when drunk and how mistakenly hilarious I find myself.

Thanks to my sober state, the journey to the club was a lot less stressful than the usual panic. Instead of realising that we’d missed our taxi, (living in Duryard meant a short walk wasn’t an option), I was able to round everyone up in time. This night was also an enlightening one; I can now appreciate what our taxi drivers go through. The random outbursts of chanting and screaming probably make the drive feel ten times as long for the driver. At least I’ve been attempting to protect their ears since this realisation.

The queue for Timepiece looked more daunting than usual. Whilst being aware of my surroundings I couldn’t just push myself into a spot near the front as I usually would. I just followed my friends into the mass, apologising to every person that I was bumped into. Standing in such a squashed state for what felt like an hour is one reason I won’t be going out sober any time soon. Normally it seems to go quickly, but I expect that’s just the alcohol. Another issue about being the only sober person in the group is that as soon as we got onto the dance floor everyone diverged and danced off in their own little world. So there I was, trying to give myself enough distance from those whose dancing involved wildly flinging themselves into people.

I can’t deny how much I love the weird things I do when drunk and how mistakenly hilarious I find myself

The music certainly wasn’t as good as it normally seems to be. I definitely heard the same song played three times. After a while, watching people gyrating just got a bit too much. The sober clubber experience wasn’t for me. When everyone else is drunk and throwing themselves around, it can’t help but feel a bit tedious. Not to mention, I did not have the stamina that five shots of vodka can give you. Two hours in and I was already ready to be cozied up in my pyjamas in bed. The post club curly fries were definitely the highlight of my sober experience. I was actually able to enjoy every one rather than giving them out to random people or dropping them over myself. The ketchup stain on my coat from trying to sneak my food into a taxi during Freshers’ has never come out. Despite the pleas for “just one small bite” of my cheeseburger, I was able to make it home with all of my food.

Waking up the next morning without a hangover was an incredible feeling. Rather than spending my Saturday kneeling next to the toilet and vowing solemnly to myself to never touch alcohol ever again, I was able to have a productive day. However, the benefits of not having a hangover weren’t enough to persuade me to stick to water on my nights out. My night was in no way terrible but being a sober clubber is an experience I will not be reliving.