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The Christmas Monster

Richard Ainslie reveals the monster of this festive season.

All images are labelled for reuse https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Viborg_Christmas_street_illumination_2010-11-30.jpg

November the 30th, the new clone awakes

The old one is butchered and served up as steaks

To the new one who chews them with shiny white jaws

And gnaws on the bones with his manicured claws


And out from the cave in the depths of mid-winter

The world feels the touch of a Christmassy shiver

It knows of the monster that’s coming its way

It’s the new and improved clone of Michael Bublé


He’s making an album, a Christmas one – shock!

You’ll hear it on radio whether you want to or not

Michael Buble is coming to town

With the upside-down frown of a pantomime clown

Disarmingly charmingly growing renown

And feasting on flesh as the sun’s going down


He’ll rip out your insides and smile with delight

As he croons Christmas carols and sings silent night

But please have some pity, perhaps shed a tear

He’ll be chopped up and fed to the new clone next year

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