Exeter, Devon UK • Feb 24, 2024 • VOL XII

Exeter, Devon UK • [date-today] • VOL XII
Home Satire A Climate Leader’s Guide to Procrastination

A Climate Leader’s Guide to Procrastination

Soon it will be the 28th COP Summit, where a global demonstration of procrastinating the hard work will take place. In the company of such leading experts, and coinciding with the middle of university deadline season, Bronwyn Payne wonders if there is anything we could learn from our well-practiced international leaders?
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Image: Wikimedia Commons

First, choose somewhere relaxing to procrastinate in, preferably somewhere warm. It’s nearing winter and we all want to escape grey skies. In their case, Dubai in a luxury hotel; in ours, huddled under blankets resisting the urge to turn up the heating.

Next: deny, deny, deny. That essay/ hurricane doesn’t exist! And anyway, if it does, it’s someone else’s problem.

Thirdly, throw some money and energy into pointless vanity projects. How about some nice carbon capture­? Or some inedible baking? After that, you can start the blame game. Yes, we all know who is responsible for where we are. It’s half an hour before the deadline, you’re sobbing, but couldn’t it just be someone else’s fault?

Your friends and family are nagging you, saying that, just like those pesky scientists, they know best? Well, don’t listen to them! They don’t understand. I’d listen to the people with the money. Because if all these other steps fail, then a good connection like Jeff Bezos can get you off the burning, flooded planet in no time! Next stop, is the colonisation of Mars! Freeze-dried strawberry anybody?

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