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IF you’ve never seen Take Me Out, let me preface this by summarising the show; this pinnacle of television sees single guys paired up with single girls, the haunting repetition of the phrase ‘no lighty no likey’, and, of course, the ever-charismatic Paddy McGuinness. Place this already thrilling concept in the context of the Lemmy, RAG raising money for Movember, and the iconic duo of Exeposé’s very own Online Editors as presenters, and you’ve got yourself some solid Monday night entertainment. Co-host Natalie Keffler said that presenting the event was “highly entertaining”, particularly due to the “added aspect of the girls popping balloons instead of turning off lights”.

Unlike most Lemmy events, this one was well-attended – probably due to the combination of it being for charity, as well as the fact that 90% of the crowd was there to heckle their friends onstage. A flashy slideshow and some of the newly refurbished lights signalled the beginning of the evening, and a stream of single girls entered the spotlight. In true student spirit, most of them claimed to be there for the opportunity of a free meal, though some said that they were looking for love – personally, I’m sceptical about whether any of them actually found it.

Though the first eligible bachelor seemed nice enough, (despite some negative comments from the girls about his shoes) after five minutes, pretty much every girl had popped their balloons, looking decidedly unimpressed. He did get a date though – “You’re off to the Isle of Bill’s!” and a shared look of relief from the hosts saw the couple on their way offstage.

Here’s where it gets interesting. The second guy walked (stumbled) up, complete with a dazed look and a man-bun to boot. It became clear from his video clip that he was there because his friends signed him up – understandable – and that, when it comes to women, he doesn’t have the greatest of track records. His video concluded with the extremely worrying implication that he would sleep with a dead person (To paraphrase: “What are you looking for in a woman?” “I dunno, a pulse? Don’t even need that, really.”) What was even more concerning was that, even after this revelation, this man still had several potential date options – though I suppose the standard had just been lowered accordingly after the first contender.

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Following an absolute tragedy of a card trick attempt in which the man in question repeatedly mumbled, “I’m just a bit tipsy” (a vast understatement), and was told no less than three times to stop swearing, a girl finally took pity and said she’d go on a date with him for the free food. Man-bun practically fell off the stage, reclaiming his beer cans and disappearing out of view, and with that shambolic performance, the first half of the evening came to the end.

After a short pause in which the organisers could be glimpsed looking wearily amused, we returned to our seats, overpriced Lemmy drinks in hand. With a stroke of luck, two more single men were sourced from the crowd – for whatever reason, they proved a lot more popular than the original ones, probably because they didn’t have weird shoes and weren’t completely inebriated. There was even some reverse balloon-popping, where the final couple was decided by the question-asking man.

I’ve never thought about what colour VK I most identify with, but let me tell you, these women were prepared.

The last single man was quite literally the epitome of the ‘Exetah’ stereotype, from his accent to his high-definition video. There was a mildly alarming clip of his mum referring to him as “very fit”, but most of the single women chose to gloss over this, falling for the Exetah lad’s penchant for Gossip Girl. Or, perhaps, they were looking at the background of his mother’s video, which admittedly made his large country house look like a very nice place to live. Whatever the case, a couple was soon formed and swept off to the Isle of Bill’s with the others.

I’m not overly convinced any of these pairings will be loved up for longer than the free meals they were promised, but the night was certainly entertaining – and it was for charity, so what’s not to love? Co-presenter Harry Bunting summed up the evening best: “Bringing love into people’s lives is no easy task, but the night was a lot of fun and we raised lots of money for a good cause”. RAG’s version of Take Me Out made the worries of deadline season and the end of term panic melt away – if they repeat the event, go – even if it’s just to make yourself feel better about your life choices and laugh at other people for an hour or two.

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